Monday, May 09, 2005


Fat Ass Rollercoaster

I've been fat since I was six.
I fight a thirty-one year battle with weight. My enemies:

Metabolism. My body likes to store weight. Everything efficiently turns into blubber.
Society. You name it, I can buy crap at almost any hour. Donuts, burgers, pizza, beer, Chinese food. TV blares out its feel good message. If I eat, they promise I can be happy. Dance to a jingle, cram something crappy in your face.
Family. My mom always laid out a spread of high calorie food. If I didn't eat, something was wrong. If I got fat from food, it was my fault. They weren't forcing chow into me.
Me. I have a whole host of problems that make me susceptible to weight gain. I have triggers that make me eat and fitting my life into the groove where I can follow a decent diet. I have depression issues and I like to cook. It's like an alcoholic running a bar. I need to be strong. If I am weak, I need a system of protection-- like a bumper or an airbag.

For the last three decades, I have fought this battle. Bit by bit, I slide. Sometimes I make great strides.

Here's the skinny on the chubby (a chronology of fat)

19686lbs. some ouncesBorn
1975100 lbs.I was Seven. Who doesn't see that a child this fat isn't an issue?
1984260 lbs.I lived across the street from a Macs and its 24hr. access to slush cats. The trip across the street never twigged my agoraphobia. Bad news.
1987 - August270 lbs.The fattest I had been yet. On a fateful day in August I made a huge Chinese food meal. The next day I started to diet.
1987 - December200 lbs.I stopped eating. I screwed over my small intestine. I would go out for walks and come back 2lbs lighter. By the time I was done, I would forget to eat for a day or two.
1988 - June175 lbs.My personal best. I was within 10lbs of my ideal weight. Like seeing Vahalla and getting spun around by Grendel.
1995200 lbs.Like the toc-toc-toc of a roller coaster, I edged back up again.
1999250 lbs.I couldn't fit into a pair of pant to go to a friends wedding. I was almost in tears.
2004300 lbs.When I would carry my daughter, my backpack and groceries, I would tip the scales at 375 lbs. Wow. How could I walk? That I'll never guess. I knew I was far gone. When I weighed in at the doctor's office, I almost broke down crying.
2004 - December260 lbs.With a fervent effort, a lot of vegetables and very little starch I was able to shed 40 lbs.
2005 - May265 lbs.Back up the roller coaster...

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